Dear Mommy & Daddy ,
Recently I came across a circulated message that I felt like sharing here :
What this message has to do with my post ? Well, read on…
Just when I raised my hand and heaved a sigh of relief, there was another challenge waiting for me. Exactly , when the mommy in me thought that her little sonny is all 7, independent and obedient, their was another challenge knocking my door ” Back Talk “. Even in my weirdest of dream I have never answered back my parents. I remember asking anything from Papa required a mediator and that role was played by Mummy dear. Rules were simple, things once said were not repeated. Well, I don’t say that was a right way of parenting but their was a different way of saying no then. Now, we have come a long way neither parents are the same, surely not the kids. We all know there is a phase where teenagers back talk, they go through this hormonal changes but when a 7 years old blows out. Yes, that’s a real heart breaking. I knew that someday I would be facing this behavioral issues or the tween phase but so early , well I never thought he would answer back on almost everything at 7. His answer back felt like someone is hitting arrow of words on me. It might sound filmy, but that’s so much the case.
Have you ever came across a situation where you have asked your child to do a simple task and instead of doing it , he would say ” Not Now” or No reactions at all or , ‘I will do it when I feel like’. Well, I have many times. For anything and everything their is a sassy reply. Sometimes during the conversation his tone get really loud and anxious. I have to stop and remind him that he is talking to his mom. Right from asking him to do homework to asking him to stop playing on gadgets comes back to me with a not so positive reply.
Initially , I was worried and raised question on my own self ,where I have been wrong, where my parenting didn’t worked. Being a stay at home mommy , I felt I was falling from my own set expectations, for all my attention has always been on him,on raising him in the best possible way. I was also hesitant in discussing with others for I thought they would label my child. I also shouted at higher pitch when he spoke to me in that unpleasant tone, only to realize later that our home was getting nothing less than a fish market. I didn’t wanted that behavior of his to became a habit.Above all my relationship with my little soul was getting rough.
Exhausted and frustrated with this daily drama , I turned for advice on google baba and our very own mycity4kids and not to miss my next door parents sailing on same boat. Few of my friends said its a part of growing up and gradually would be over, few believed in carrot and stick approach. For me, it was high time now, there was something which I was doing wrong. Even the Chanakya Sutra of Saam, Daam, Dand, Bhed didn’t came to my rescue. It was my approach towards my kiddo that was screaming for a change. I thought, I discussed, I researched and came up with a better plan. Before changing his attitude, it was I who need to be changed . And So, the first thing I did was
Staying calm, Keep calm and make him calm was my first mantra. I realized that I was letting my work stress and home stress affect my dealings with my child. I also maintained my cool and stopped yelling or screaming about his not responding or the answer back attitude. My negative tone was setting a wrong impression. Being polite and handling children patiently actually pays. Phew !! I realized not always he will be happy with my decision and sometimes he too can have a bad day, and I need to respect that.
Shutting back talk ,i.e.Not responding to his back talk was the other thing that worked for me. I realized , as a parent my job is to tell him the rules and repeat the rules, confrontation was making things worse.
All Ears for him, that is one thing I really do now, giving him full attention when he speaks. Fiddling with my cell phone, doing other chores while talking to him, made him feel neglected. I realized he talked back more when he felt he is not being heard. So, we have now one to one talk rule. I have now stop being bossy. Kids today are way more smarter and want control in their hands. I now let him decide his hours of study, his play time planning, serve him his favorite snacks and carry my daily dose of coffee before we begin our daily saga.
A confused and anxious mother in me is looking up for more ways to be in peace with my little munchkin. So head-on and share your side of story.